You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm always down for nudity.
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