grandma shit on top of the toilet
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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