I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
