I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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