a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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