Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
COCAINE IS GR8
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
