Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
