i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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