so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
