I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I could have mohawked her pubes.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
