bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
