Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
