i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Say something about gay babies.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
