I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
