you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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