I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
