So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
