Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
