it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
