Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
