Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
