my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
