Pappa wants mamma naked
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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