The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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