A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
