They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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