I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
