Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
