i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
