Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think your dad took our porno
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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