so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
