I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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