if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
These tits shall not be calmed
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
