how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
