I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
