this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
