he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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