so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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