he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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