I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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