I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
