I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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