I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
