I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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