Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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