my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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