Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
