Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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