My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
