White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you will always have a special place in my vag
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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