she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
