I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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