just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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